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Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
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Sunday, September 25th, 2005
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jhf;djhdqwieasmb. i'm at a point where life barely feels real. i'm not sure how to explain it. i feel old & unsuccessful & unambitious & unafraid. i feel colorless. my vision has become lackluster. i'm not sure if it's just a bad week or a phase or a glimpse of what is to come. it's awkward & awful. i need lauren. i need future. i need laughter. i need love. oh man, oh man. i need to PAINT.
oh, fun in the eve of yesterday was had.
mmm...she is always on top.
minky & birdy
dance, boys...dance.
hjfhdsaeiyoh;'l
caught in a whim of sass. unstoppable.
mmm...smart.
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Saturday, September 24th, 2005
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like showing off the new born baby, here she is...
i adore it. oh yeah, & use murad skincare. it works miracles.
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Saturday, July 23rd, 2005
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today was a day where all i could think about was my options. where i could go. where i could be. what lies ahead. it was so good.
lauren came & got me from work for my lunch break. i hop in the car & 2 minutes down the road pops out angella from the back seat! i screamed so loud...i loved it. the three girls back together–those days are so special. as is jamba.
work is overwhelming & beautiful. i talked to my manager all evening about oregon. everytime i see lauren's face, my heart feels so pulled to just move up there with her. her & i getting our own little cabin in the snow, bashing around portland.
this year, i'm going to work every hour i can. i'm going to pay my parents back every cent they shelled out for MUD...& then? i'm going to open a savings account. my oregon account. save up for life. if i don't go, i'll never know what could have been. who knows? maybe next winter, i'll have snow...
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Thursday, June 30th, 2005
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i love vittoria picone.
so i got the job at bath & body works! i'm officially a sales lead, which means a $3 pay raise & many, many more hours! yay for real money! haha when i went into my interview, our DM said, "you look like you should be working at MAC." all i could think was NO DUH. haha, soon...one day...i will. so, they are moving me to the UTC store, which is a little sad, but not if the manager i have now (whom i love) moves to that store with me, which is a big possibility! that would be rad. aw, yay for changes...
grease is a lot of fun. it's not by any means challenging, but i'm still learning a lot. & i'm having so much fun. i love getting to be with everyone & being on the hill & feel like i'm wedging my way into being a head hauncho with my good buddy, kels. :D not to mention the show is really, really great. there is a lot of talent on that stage. all i have to say is sitting next to paul during dress rehearsals is too much. especially when he leans over to you & says, "jon looks like pee-wee herman in that suit. mr. porn, that's him." omg kelsey & i were dying. & then travis sits on down & cracking me up (lauren, you are jealous). aw, i love that man.
right now, life is crazy, but it sure is fun. god bless san diego.
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an awkward picture post...so entertaining. :-D
someone, please tell me...where is deep datta?
i'm so, so sad that i can't be at camp this year... :-(
i've decided to make this into an insanely long post of just talkity-talkity. yeah, ok, i left my real journal in LA on accident, so i'm having withdrawls. shoot me for posting like a psycho.
i can't deny the fact that i am such a theatre kid at heart. i miss that stage so desperatly. i know, every cyt alumni has written that at some point. you go from 3 automatic shows a year to nothing...it's devistating. i've been listening to nothing but musicals as of late. and what? who else...any & everything by jason robert brown. he has been my favorite composer for years. parade has always had my heart, & then songs for a new world...& now the last 5 years. i've had this cd on repeat for the past 5 hours. it's so hilarious & raw & gorgeous & awful. "if i didn't believe in you" ... oh my. i cry everytime. listen to this show. please.
a couple of weeks ago, in my big journal, i did a huge drawing & right in the middle of it in huge letters, i wrote, "i'm not your whore," & i felt like i had screamed it to the world. it was so amazing & made me so free. i've never had so much truth behinds the words i've said than those. i meant that phrase in so many ways. i deserve so much more...i always have & i always will. for once in my life, i'm confident enough to stand up to that & not be the weak, insecure girl that is easily prayed upon.
i don't believe in equality. treat me like the princess that i am. give me the respect that i deserve. make me special, because i am...not because you're supposed to. encourage me to be myself. bring out that spark in me. laugh with me about things that probably shouldn't be laughed at. make the honesty in me shine.
& that's that.
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hello to my fellow theatre people, i have a request.
i'm trying to build up my sheet music collection for future auditions, & i'm looking for the following songs. if anyone has the sheet music to them that you would let me make a copy of, please let me know! i would be so excited! also, if you have any really awesome suggestions for songs in the mezzo soprano range, let me know!
meadowlark from the baker's wife
a change in me from beauty & the beast
disneyland from smile
ring around the moon from the spitfire grill
a quiet thing from flora the red menace
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you guys...i'm done. i move home tomorrow. today was my last day in class & it went so well! not to mention i got an interview in cosmetics for nordstroms at fashion valley. wow, today was so great. here are pictures of my final project. i did everything by hand...no airbrushing. & i made the skirt by hand. & yes...those are prosthetic elf ears...i rule. i'm sorry if they are giant, but enjoy! i love you all! I'M HOME TOMORROW!
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yes...do you see that boy at the bottom? blazer? eyeliner? yeah...that's my boyfriend. don't hate.
i'm sorry, but i'm really liking fall out boy & no one can stop me...because i feel like clint would try to. you like rilo kiley & i like fall out boy. so ha.
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Saturday, June 11th, 2005
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girls, we deserve the utmost, genuine respect from men. that's right...we deserve it. we're woman of god.
this town makes me ill. the way men treat us ladies in LA is absolutly appauling. i'm not saying all, because i met some amazing & sweet guys at the church up here, but the majority of the ones i've met outside of the church have made me sick. girls are treated like objects. i know, i know...everyone says that. but in these past few months, i've experienced it, hardcore. & it's awful. to be whistled at, yelled at, spoken down to like a dog...from guys just walking down the street. i'm telling you, it happens...& it's so foul. i've even had nightmares lately about men treating me like that. what an awful plague to have in my head.
now, i want to propose a HUGE thank you to all of my boys in san diego. yes, you know who you are...because it's pretty much all of you. i've taken for granted your loyalty, laughter & respect for me for so many years. as you continue to grow older, continue to grow in these ways. all of you are so insanely unique & special for these qualities. i bow down to you.
& that is all i have to say about that.
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today is a day that takes me back. this morning we've just been practicing injuries for our test, & most of us have finished early. so, i busted out the paper & colored pencils & started working on my rendering (drawing) that is due for my final project...which is gonna be rad. so, i just sat & listened to coldplay & concentrated on colors for ours. it reminded me of my senior year & having art every morning...the best time of my life. today has been soothing & well...glorious.
i made a skirt last night for my final project. yup, you heard me. i went to the fabric store & bought 10 yard of tulle, elastic, thread, needles & saftey pins & just made a skirt. it looks so rad. i love tulle. i want to wear big tulle skirts everyday of my life. i dare you to try & stop me.
to not be at this school everday is going to kill me. you'll have to let me practice on you all the time. i'm going to miss it. something tells me there is going to be someway for me to get back up here in august & rock that hair class. i want it so bad. i have to make it work. keep praying about it.
i love, love, love you all.
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Wednesday, June 8th, 2005
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the two most beautiful girls in the world right now:
aw yay, i love the two of them.
3 more days...just 3 more days of class. uuuuugh, get me home to all of you.
pray for bird. she is really sick with the flu. i had to take her to the doctor today...it was so sad.
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a week from today, i finish at MUD. time flew, didn't it? it's decided that i am dropping my hair class in august. it's something i would love to take, but i honestly just can't afford to. & that is the majority of the reason a lot of decisions are being made...i just can't afford to do these things, but i'm so thankful for the time i've had up here & the incredible education i've received.
as far as moving home? it's a matter of finding these two girls a third roommate, because i'm not just going to leave them hanging. so, pray that something will work out.
i need to be home this summer & working & finding a job that suits choices i want to make in my career as a make-up artist. i'll probably be at bath & body works this summer (& probably like, starbucks, too...) but soon, i need to find a more promising place of employment.
as far as next year? i want to go to grossmont & just take classes that i love. doing what i love is what keeps me alive.
art 150: photography 1, art 159: photography lab practice, art 120: dance 120: musical theatre dance, exercise science 023: weight training, theatre arts 137: theatre makeup 2
basically, a list for my own reminding of what i want to take next semester. just classes that bring me joy. i have a $1000 scholarship for any college that i want, so i might as well use it & be happy.
i SERIOUSLY want to take like, a ballroom dancing class this summer. i'm so not kidding. do i have any male volunteers? i'm serious...
i'm coming home on the 14th & will probably be around for a while. continue to pray for me, please.
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dicipline. the thing that i'm currently lacking.
once i lose dicipline in one area, it seems that i lose it in all.
my diet. my exercise. chugging water. journaling. praying. laundry. finances. going to church. reading my bible. everything.
school has taken over my life. but, i can balance it. not on my own, but by being fully dependent on my creator.
we can do it.
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Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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the saga of bald caps...day 3.
& it continues. i write to you with vinyl on my skull, once again. the agony, the dread...& worst of all, the removal. god bless america.
i really can't wait to move home. i'm dreadfully homesick for all of you. i'm auditioning for traditions this year...it's official! how crazy fun will that be.
i'm seeing beauty & the beast saturday & snow white on sunday. i'm so excited!
oh yeah, & who is doing makeup for grease? me & kelsey. YIPEE! i can't wait to spend the summer up on the hill with all of you. it's going to be beautiful.
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so, i get to school late today, like, 2 minutes. & everyone is standing there. juliet, my teacher, just stares at me, points at me & gestures for me to sit in her chair...for another vinyl bald cap demonstration. i wanted to cry. i have it on right now. it is hell. my soul is tormented. my skin is ripped from yesterday & got burned with acetone. glorious, glorious.
bald caps can still suck it.
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bald caps can suck it.
just so you all know, i just had a bald cap on...& i do not wish it upon anyone. not only did it cause me to fall into a deep, deep depression, but it is the most painful, disguisting experience of my life. my hair is full of glue. i want to cry. it was horrible. actors...shave your head. it's not worth it.
but, then i put a bald cap on someone else...& it was actually fun & i ruled at it. but, i never want to wear one again. boo hiss.
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you can't even begin to love someone else until you allow yourself to experience god's true, agape love. & the process of beginning to love yourself...ooh, don't get me started.
the new rocket summer is completing my life, currently.
i need a break. i'm in san diego these next two weekends. praise god.
i want to homemake a new journal.
i got 100% on my prosthetics test...that's a pretty rad deal. i was very, very excited.
i judge too much. pray about that one, linz.
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most everyone pretty much flaked out on my birthday yesterday. it was kind of bunk. BUT, nathalie & miguel (& the roomies) were there & we had a great time just talking & laughing & looking too good for anyone to handle. but, it did make me realize how much i miss san diego. if i had been home, my b-day would have been such a crazy blast. oh well, i'll be home soon.
i've been in a poopy mood. pray for me. i think i'm home sick. i think i just want to be done with school & just know everything already! if only it worked like that. don't get me wrong, i'm loving MUD like nothing else...but, you know what i mean.
there is no point in changing yourself for others. be true to you. whether tall, short, skinny, chub, long hair, short hair...do it for you. yup, it's just got to be said.
i had to take out my piercing. they set it too high & the disc underneath popped out & closed up. so, i have to let it heal & get it redone in 2 weeks. boooooo.
new favorite channel? vh1 mega hits. seriously, it's as if everything on my ipod is on a music channel.
new favorite music video? helena by my chemical romance. it's not a fantastic song, but the video is gorgeous. that girls dress? yeah...that was supposed to be my prom dress. i'm still not bitter... :-..
new favorite song? feel good inc. by gorillaz. just put it on repeat. trust.
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here are a couple of shots of my avant garde project that i did in beauty. rachel was my lovely model. i'm so proud of it! let me know what you think...
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cosmosmurf's journal